Lizzie is convinced that Ava has a crush on me. Although I fully accept that anybody who is either gay or a woman will find me irresistible, it is somewhat more unusual for someone barely old enough to talk to be batting her eyelids and hiding her face, giggling, at the very sight of me. Hey, well, at least it might solve the imminent problem of exactly how she will take the departure of her mother to Hong Kong tomorrow morning; all I have to do is keep her distracted for a month and she’ll barely notice the difference.
The entire world has gone fitness crazy, it seems, with Bob the dog relinquishing his normal lazing-by-the-fire routine, to chase other dogs all over town and Noel determined to see me in a rowing boat before the end of July. Plaintive requests to let me have a restful holiday have fallen on deaf ears, particularly with my cousin Paul who has kindly entered me for a half marathon through the Kruger Park on the 2nd of August. So, it looks like I will have to invest in some of the E99 (about eight quid) trainers I saw advertised in town, after all.
And Carl, who was of Bracknell went jogging on the twelfth day, with much hope for a healthy future after too many braais. And lo, his asthma did return, and it was very, very bad. And the Lord spoke to him in hernias and the words of the speaking were not so much of language as of pain, and the pain said, ‘You silly bugger, what were you thinking? You should have stayed in by the fire with a tin of Hansa.’
I was persuaded last night to cook dinner for everybody; I couldn’t be more inventive than spag bol, and ended up with a sauce mainly comprising three different tins of tomatoes (with various acoutrements) all of which tasted awful individually, but reasonable mixed together. After dinner I narrowly averted a divorce that was brewing between Lizzie and Des as they tried in vain to beat the laptop into producing some flyers. Desmond was so grateful that he offered me a share in their new tour bus business, but, like the friend of Steve Wozniak who turned down 5% of Apple Computer in 1978 in favour of $20, I opted for the promise of free beers tonight.. then flaked out upstairs, sadly without managing to go down the pub with a very friendly couple from Bristol who stayed the night.. such is the hectic schedule of the working man, eh?
Pimane’s evening cold has developed (well, according to his African diagnosis anyway) into advanced terminal tuberculosis, and as I write he is in a minibus back to Johannesburg. I begged him to fly, but he refused on the grounds that last time he flew he felt terrible the entire way. My attempts to persuade him that, no matter how ill he was, half an hour in the air was still ten times better than four hours in a rickety bus with no brakes doing 150km/h with his nose stuck in a fat granny’s armpit, were unsuccessful. Sometimes, one just has to give up. He has, however, determined to return in 10 days’ time, to celebrate his birthday on the farm.
Other than that, I ran out of phone credit today whilst at the printer’s, trying to separate the CMYK channels out of a GIF image.. not as easy as it sounds (ho ho) so if you send me an SMS, don’t expect a reply, at least not until tomorrow.
Got to go, the boss is apoplectic.
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