Yes, folks, it's true. Don't worry, I'm not in court for GTA or fraud (yet), but I am in the "What's On" section, strutting my funky stuff! Last weekend, I dragged a bunch of backpackers out for a Swazi-style party, and ended up with my entirely sexy, beer-drinking back in the paper. Unfortunately, they got my name wrong, but I'm somewhat taken with my continental-sounding alter-ego who likes "getting jiggy with it," Carlo. The party was at House on Fire, a fantastic new(ish) venue down in Malkers, which I saw being built out the back of Malandela's restaurant two years or more ago. Now it's finished, it's three stone bars carved into the side of a giant outdoor theatre (you know, like half an amphitheatre), with a sand dancefloor in the middle. It was Gaddafi night and half the guests were all tooled up with funky Libyan attire, although sadly I couldn't rustle any up at such short notice. I did appreciate the sexy, fire-twirling belly dancers, however.
In fact, I was very taken with the entire evening, organising a big gang of tourists into a first-class night on the, er, sand. Come to think of it, I should've charged them (well, at least petrol money) as at other places you'd pay a hundred or so for something like that! Desmond, bizarrely, is now so jaded about the whole backpacker scene that he hasn't made any attempt to thwart my back-door thieving of his business - all the new arrivals now talk to me, give the money to me, and give Desmond funny looks when he asks if they've paid. He took the wind out of my sails rather this morning when he told me that, as an experiment, we should "pretend" that I actually run the place, and that he's just a bombed-out party animal from England. I tried to persuade him that calling me "baas" was part of the deal, but he didn't bite. So, finally my dream comes true and I'm running a backpackers.. amazing.
I've been asked to tidy up a few things which might be a little misleading. First of all, yes, I do have a car, borrowed from my excessively trusting and generous Aunt in Johannesburg. I bought the bike to keep active and to save petrol money (ha ha). Secondly, I apologise profusely to all concerned, but, as many of you may have noticed, Jackie has not featured heavily over the last week (as one might expect) and yes, it's true, I got a little over excited about what was going on there. So no, I don't really have a girlfriend, you can breathe easy again, the misogynist hermit is back in business. Thirdly, the Chillage is indeed closing towards the end of September, and no I don't know for certain what I'm going to do when it closes. Desmond is keen to open the "Dodgy Lodge" in Mbabane, but I'm keeping my eyes open for something a little more exciting. Lastly, I don't know who leaked it but BRI just got its 1,800th visitor. It has even been featured on the front page of disappointment.com with the line, "the best thing on the Internet - even better than kerrap.co.uk" - high praise indeed! The guestbook makes heart-warming reading, even if some of the discussion fora on the net have been less than complimentary.. mind you, as Brendan pointed out, the amount one posts on bulletin boards is inversely proportional to the amount one really has to say, so no tears shed there.
How's this for a traffic hike? Remember, it's still only the 6th!
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